Just two weeks ago David and I took our first foster son back to his bio mom. Reunification is always the goal of foster care, so it's awesome that his mom worked so hard to get her kids back (and relatively quickly too!). Still, I miss my little guy and I worry/wonder about his life and future.
Now, you may be wondering about the title. For confidentiality reasons, I can't and won't use our foster kids' names (or pictures or other identifying info) on here. Somewhat early on David observed how our little guy was attaching himself to me (and vice versa) and called me a mama panda. He said he must have seen on the Discovery Channel about baby pandas "imprinting" on their mamas. If I was the mama panda it naturally followed that a certain little 6-year-old was the baby panda. Then one day this video popped up on my Facebook feed. David and I agreed that the name baby panda did indeed fit.
I had high hopes that we would get to stay involved in our baby panda's life. We did, after all, let him call his mom every night for almost ten months. I mistakenly thought that his mom would recognize this and enable continued involvement. I try to tell myself that she's busy, but not knowing how he's doing is so, so hard.
Foster care is the hardest thing I have ever done, and the hardest thing David and I have ever done together. It is hard on so many levels. It's hard while you're in the middle of it, and it's hard letting go. Yet for some crazy reason, we're gearing up to do it again.
